Friday, October 28, 2011

It's a House Work Thing

As I sit and think of how to distress, I could come up with lots of philosophical ways – yoga, meditation, prayer, exercise, change in diet. But I thought, nah, those require too much work. So I tried to think of one thing I could do without that might lessen my stress load. I could think of a few but some of them were really important, like coffee. So then I thought, hey! I could give up housework! I mean, I have kids who could do it, but that is sometimes more stressful than doing it myself. So I thought about an alternative method. And I think this one will work really well when fully implemented. Some of these I have personally tried and highly endorse. What tools are required you ask? Only one – a house cat. I would love to hear how these work for you so please send me an email when you’ve tried them out. I love testimonials.

1) Dusting – Lightly douse cat with water then attempt to blow-dry damp cat. The cyclonic activity will clean all surfaces, leaving your home dust-free. Just vacuum the floor to pick up hair balls and broken knick-knacks.
2) Dishes – Line dirty dishes along a wall on a hard surface, any order will do. Leave for a day and forget to feed the cat and when you come home – Presto! Dishes are done.
3) Laundry –Throw the dirty clothes in the dryer and let warm for several minutes. Place load in open basket in the middle of the room. The cat will deftly apply hair to every inch of clothing masking any dirt and odors.
4) Making the bed – This method works best on cool mornings when the cat is all excited for the weather change, but it can be used any time of the year. Place cat in the middle of the bed. Take your hand and run it underneath the covers going after the cat. Pretty soon the covers will magically spread out and the cat will complete the job during its nap time while you are away.
5) Pet Fish – Allow the cat to survey the dirty fish bowl then set it on a table and tell the cat a stern “No!” Walk away, wait 5 minutes, then come back. Voila! Clean fish bowl.
6) Plumping Pillows – Turn flat pillows up on one end and place in a spot where the cat will nap. After the cat nap, the pillow has been unflattened and can be returned to its rightful place.
7) Rodents and Insects – To rid your home of rodents and insects, leave for one day forgetting to feed the cat. Just be careful to watch where you step when you return, and make sure you don’t have dirty dishes to clean that day (see Number 2 above).
8) Plants – Leave plants in areas the cat can easily reach and forget to provide a litter box. No need to water ever again. If you receive a bouquet of flowers and hate throwing them out, leave them on a table. The flowers will magically disappear as will the water in the vase.
9) Pet grooming – No doubt if you have a cat you probably have at least one more cat or maybe you have additional pets like a dog or bunny. But pet grooming is a breeze. Allow the other pet to violate the personal space of the “work” cat. The tornado will thoroughly groom the other pet. Just vacuum up the loose pet hair.
10) Vacuuming – I’m sorry, but I have been unable to get the cat to vacuum. Each time the vacuum comes on the cat tries to dust the house or groom the other pets. I can’t seem to get the cat to understand the difference between the vacuum and the blow dryer.

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